It’s something we all feel.
Something we men don’t always admit to having.
But one fear in particular often plagues us:
Specifically – speaking to a woman you haven’t met.
I’m sure a lot of men reading this are nodding in agreement.
I’m with you, gents.
I know how hard it can be to walk towards a pretty woman and say hello.
But it can be done.
Don’t let your fear stop you.
Today I’ll show you how. Read on to learn how to overcome your fear of talking to women, no matter how shy or insecure you may be.
For this blog post and video, I’ve teamed up with my friend and fellow YouTuber John Sonmez. John is a programmer (and by the way, an extremely built guy) who runs the website SimpleProgrammer.com.
John and I share a passion for empowering people to be more successful. You can check out his website and YouTube channel to learn not just about programming, but other familiar topics like making money or working with colleagues. He offers a great deal of career advice and discusses things honestly.
Like many men, he’s had his own issues with approaching the ladies before. He experienced fear and social anxiety but overcame it all with time and patience.
I can’t think of a better man to dish out some valuable tips and strategies for talking to women. Here’s what he’s got to say…
Tip #1 – Accept The Fear, And Go Talk To Her
That’s right. Admit that you’re afraid of approaching a woman to start a conversation. But step forward and do it anyway. That’s the essence of courage, my friends: doing something even though you’re scared of it.
Nelson Mandela put it best: “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.”
Being courageous is NOT waiting endlessly for fear to vanish on its own. It’s realizing that there’s no other way to go about the fear than facing it head-on. Otherwise, you’ll be constantly plagued with what if’s.
It’s a common and unfair misconception that fears are a sign of weakness. It’s actually quite normal to fear things like life-threatening illness, unemployment or even rejection. But what separates the brave from the cowardly is one’s mindset. The brave think to themselves, “I’m okay with fear but I’m not going to let it stop me.” By approaching that woman and not holding back, you’re deciding to have courage and act on it.
John raises a great point when he describes how men feel when they see a pretty woman. There’s a combination of fear and excitement – both of which share similar physiological symptoms. So even though you feel afraid, don’t forget how much positive energy you also have bottled up.
Channel it, gentlemen. Learn to redirect your so it boosts your excitement. Make yourself eager to go up to that woman and ask her how she’s doing. No joke, guys, it’s a huge adrenaline rush. Once you do it, an uncanny sense of accomplishment will follow, no matter how she responds. And even if you get rejected, you still manned up and overcame your fear right then and there.
Tip #2 – Practice In Spite Of Your Fear
Speaking to others is a skill. No matter how shy you think you are, you can always hone your speaking skills so that when you approach a woman:
- You don’t stammer or struggle with words
- You pique her interest right away
- You’re far less likely to be rejected
As with any other skill, practice makes perfect. See if you can rehearse with a friend or family member at home. That’s right. Practice walking up to them from a distance and starting a conversation. Yeah, it feels awkward and nothing like the real thing. But at least it helps strengthen the “muscle memory” of speaking to new people.
Eventually, you can try approaching random people on the street or in your local café. Start with normal people instead of women you’re genuinely attracted to. The goal is to practice your opening lines and introduce yourself with conviction. The key isn’t how interesting your thoughts are – don’t overthink what to say – but how charming you are when you say stuff.
Speaking with charm comes down to your diction and the quality of your voice. Try to develop a speaking voice like Neil DeGrasse Tyson‘s – one that really grabs attention while still being easy on the ears. Then there’s reading well-written books. Good books help expand your vocabulary so you can talk with more class and sophistication.
Tip #3 – Keep Resisting Fear & Grow Confidence
Remember that it’s all a process you have to go through. The more you step up instead of backing down, the more you get used to exercising your courage. With practice, it does get easier.
Every time you face your fear and approach a lovely lady, you slowly but surely grow more confident. Fear starts to lose its grip. Your strongest feeling becomes excitement. You become naturally courageous.
Keep going through the process and the desired results will come. In fact, you may find out after your first few attempts that the worst scenarios you’ve imagined never happen. Most women will admire your courage. Some will still give you the benefit of the doubt even if you didn’t come off exactly how you planned to.
If one woman rejects you…so what? You’ve still got your rocks. The world hasn’t ended. Unless it’s a public rejection, it’s usually a simple case of her turning you down politely, and that’s it. You’ve come out unscathed and you’re free to move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea. You can’t catch them all. But you’ll always come up empty-handed if you never bother casting.
Be consistently anti-fear and soon enough, you’ll view the bigger picture and wonder what you were so scared of in the first place. There are lots of amazing women – and people in general – worth fighting off fear to meet. It’s all about consistency.
One Final Tip: It Helps to Learn How to Impress Women
Here’s the reality. To get a woman interested the second you approach her, it’s going to take a bit more than courage and confidence. First impressions still matter. Every good-quality book still needs a nice cover. She might even be “evaluating” you before you say a single word.
I’m not saying you should develop biceps like Thor’s or dress like a Hugo Boss model. But there are certain tweaks you can pull off to “create opportunities” – as Kevin James did in the movie Hitch – without changing who you are. Understand what women notice first about men and you’ll be glad you did your research the next time you’re around them. It’s like mining gold for any single guy who’s ready to mingle.